March 4, 2024

For Me

Even though this is due on Monday, I write this the Thursday night Julian came because he said we need to reflect. This is my last week in India and my undergraduate degree so it really had me thinking about my experiences and why I even came to India in the first place. To do so, I have to tell my story. I’ll reflect on my life until now. This is for a grade, but this is also for me.

I grew up in a white-dominated area my whole life. There was a very small Asian community, if any, and an even smaller Filipino one. I remember always wanting to leave and go somewhere where people are more like me. After going to UW, I realized this is not what I thought when I said “Asian”. Everyone around me was either white or east Asian, and I always felt like I never fit in with the demographic. I always just carried on, thinking that the degree comes first and relationships second. I thought I was doing it for me.

That brings me towards hearing about the program: I remember in April 2023 Arielle telling us about the program and how she was applying. Everyone agreed but I kept telling myself that I’m not comfortable being so far away from home for so long. They eventually convinced me, and I realized it would be my last quarter of college so I said, “Why not?” So I devised a plan: finish out school in India, learn more about a different Asian culture, and when I’m free, go to the Philippines and stay with family for a while so I can learn from them and learn even more about my family’s culture. I was going to do it for me.

Coming into India, I definitely felt that culture shock we were warned about, but it was a good type of culture shock. Everyone around me looked like me- I blended in. Even with the language and behavioral differences, I still felt like I fit in here more than I had in America. I have gotten mistaken for a northeast Indian countless times- by UTC visitors, by locals asking where I’m from and confused when I say the USA, and even my hairdresser. Talking to locals, talking to UTC workers, working in an organization that had the same goal as I do with working in water, everything just felt in place. The other day I even took a solo walk around town, nervous that I would be noticed as a foreigner walking alone. As I walked the streets of Bangalore without anyone batting an eye, I realized it was a demographic I could identify with even if I am not a part of this culture. The type of relationships I was able to build between myself and people in India was something that never really occurred to me, about why I felt the way that I did, until Taekyung and I discussed the different types of Asian. We came to the conclusion that I wasn’t an East Asian, I was a brown one. I kind of felt like an idiot when we figured that out. How had I not known this the whole time? It was then that I decided it was time to take my identity and be proud of it, rather than hiding away from who I am because I didn’t fit in.

That brings me to today, about to leave India, a country that has made a larger impact on me than I ever could for them. This place that has gotten me asking the questions I should have been asking myself way earlier in life. “Who am I? What do I stand for? What is a way I can leave a positive impact on the world?” That answer lies within yourself. Only you can figure out who you are and what you’re capable of doing and the way to do that is by putting yourself in uncomfortable situations and realizing that those feelings you feel are valid. They are truly feelings that no one else may understand, so it’s up to you to communicate those feelings that will help those around you see how decision making affects everyone. This is a principle I will bring with me everywhere I go- whether it’s in the workplace, with my friends and family, and just in everyday life. That is the way I’ve decided to give back to a country that has given me everything. This is what I can do to leave a positive impact on the world, but especially for me.

By Kiara